Helping someone deal with grief

One of the hardest things to deal with in life is losing a loved one, a close second...watching someone you love lose a loved one. I had been with my boyfriend for about six months when his younger brother was diagnosed with leukemia for the second time in three years. He was first diagnosed when he was 22, but beat it and was in remission. He was doing great, feeling great, got back to work and was looking forward to a full life ahead of him. Then in March of 2007, the leukemia returned. My boyfriend called me immediately when he found out and we cried and talked about it and he said he wanted to be a bone marrow donor. So after a few weeks, my boyfriend went for some tests to see if he was a match, but a sibling is only a match 25 per cent of the time, so the odds weren't great. But two weeks later, my boyfriend got the results that he was a perfect match for his brother. He was overjoyed, was so happy that he would be able to save his brother's life. Unfortunately with leukemia, in order to do the bone marrow transplant, the body has to be in almost complete remission (less than 3%, still in the body) in order to do the transplant. As the months went by and his brother continued to get treatment to try and get him into remission, he finally got down to 4%. We were so close, only 1% to go. Then a week later, a phone call to say, he was down to 0%! My boyfriend was ecstatic. Although he had tried to stay positive throughout the treatment for his brother, he was worried, as the chemo he was receiving wasn't helping and they had, had to go to a different treatment. Everyone couldn't be happier and my boyfriend was preparing to be a donor. Then, a few days later when my boyfriend was out of town, he called me to tell me the doctors were mistaken and they were not able to get all the leukemia out of his brother's body. At this point, his brother's body had already been through too much. If they did anymore treatment, it would kill him, as his immune system was too weak, however if they didn't do anymore treatment, the leukemia would kill him. There was nothing else they could do. This was devastating. After being on a high for three days, my boyfriend was hitting rock bottom. My boyfriend, who has always been optimistic, was suddenly having to come to grips with the fact that he was going to lose his baby brother. As someone who has an older sister, whom I am very close to, I couldn't even begin to imagine the pain and the heartache, he must be feeling. Sadly, a week later, his brother at the young age of 25 passed away. Surprisingly, my boyfriend seemed to take it quite well, his was emotionally stable at the funeral and for the first few days after. Then about a week later, I would notice him getting angry at things I never saw him get angry at before, he would snap at me for the smallest things. I would also find him to be quite distant from me at times. It is very hard not to take it personally when someone who seems to always be around you, doesn't seem to be taking much of an interest in you or is distant and doesn't want to talk about things. I am lucky to have never lost anyone really close to me other than a grandparent, so I could never fully understand the pain my boyfriend was feeling. I did, however, learn that when someone is dealing with grief their emotions can run all over the place without rhyme or reason. They are going to get angry and probably take it out on you as you may be the closest person to them. The best thing you can do is continue to be there for them and support them the best way you can, let them get angry if they need to, let them cry when they need to and let them have their space if they need it, in time they will come around and as long as you were there throughout it all, they will remember that in the end.